Sunrise in the mist across the fen
from our bedroom window,
taken by Pam, my wife on a day needing hope
The
Shock
At the end of September 2016, our world was upended and
we were left in dreadful shock . A protracted cough with accompanying breathlessness lead
to a series of scans and a diagnosis that I had Lung Cancer – treatable but not
curable, said the doctor: terrifying.
Thankfully, a further investigation (bronchoschopy with biopsies) revealed that the condition was not Lung Cancer but Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. So, still a cancer necessitating chemotherapy and probably other treatment, but, we were told by the medics, and through friends telling us of other peoples’ experiences, that this is both treatable and curable. We were left waiting to hear when treatment would start, slightly less shocked than we were originally but with an underlying sense of relief, that there is hope extending beyond just a few months - or even, just weeks.
Thankfully, a further investigation (bronchoschopy with biopsies) revealed that the condition was not Lung Cancer but Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. So, still a cancer necessitating chemotherapy and probably other treatment, but, we were told by the medics, and through friends telling us of other peoples’ experiences, that this is both treatable and curable. We were left waiting to hear when treatment would start, slightly less shocked than we were originally but with an underlying sense of relief, that there is hope extending beyond just a few months - or even, just weeks.
As we reflected on the uncertainties
we faced, we had to recognize that this personal awfulness is little compared
to that faced by brutalized people across the world: for those of of Aleppo, those desperately risking
crossing the Mediterranean and literally millions of oppressed people across
the globe. With Addenbrookes hospital only half an hour away, we are, by
comparison, mightily, mightily blessed – but we are, nevertheless, inevitably
anxious about what the future might hold for us.
As well as having this remarkable medical
facility close by, we were greatly comforted by the assurance of prayers
of many, many friends, both here in the UK and abroad and we give grateful
thanks to them all for that very special support.
The
Puzzle.
We know from other people, and are now
experiencing it ourselves, just how hard it is amidst such uncertainty and
upheaval, to pray for ourselves – it feels as if we are simply letting our many
friends shoulder that burden. I know in the past we have suggested to others
that is something God entirely understands, but it still has a puzzling sense
of not easily being able to ‘play our part’ in this outpouring of other
peoples’ compassion and love. Even though we have, over many years, been involved
in the ministry of healing and walked alongside others who have been suffering
in a variety of ways, this aspect still feels a puzzle. However, as I lay awake
one night through a somewhat ‘dark watch’, an idea occurred.
Prayer
for Healing.
I would find it difficult to ‘batter’ God
with pleas for a restoration to health.
But I have, since encountering it through a
talk by the late Bishop Simon Barrington-Ward, (former Bishop of Coventry) been
fascinated by the many possibilities there seem to be of using ‘The Jesus
Prayer’. I have written elsewhere on this blog (links below) of using the
Prayer in its traditional way of being a preparation for prayer and of framing
it as a confessional prayer. At a wholly different, and some might think, a
trivial level, I have found it a great comfort at times I have not been able to
sleep. It bathes that time in prayer and is immensely more helpful than
counting animals jumping gates! (at least it is for me). As I moved into that
cycle of petition last night, I realized the prayer could easily accommodate an
extra phrase, which would readily reflect my present condition. So I tested it,
Lord
Jesus Christ,
Son
of God,
To
whom the sick cried out for help,
Have
mercy upon me, a sinner.
As with the whole of the original prayer,
in praying it, we are joined with the complete nature of Christ, his deity and
his love and it seems to me the extra line highlights his compassion and draws
us into that particular aspect of our Saviour’s love as we repeat the prayer.
The Jesus Prayer is, as observed by many, a way of moving closer towards St
Paul’s otherwise difficult injunction (for many of us) to ‘pray at all times,
without ceasing’ (1 Thessalonians 5.17). So, with each repetition, I remind
myself of the healing power of the Saviour and by implication call on Him to
help me – and all those others who need his succour. (In the form I have written this above, the new line, in italics, is
historically correct: some may prefer to frame the line in the present tense.)
So, perhaps others may find this a way of
bringing their awkward feelings about self-focused personal petitions into
Christ’s presence and if this proves helpful, then I will be glad.
Trevor.
Trevor.
Other entries about The Jesus Prayer on this blog: The Jesus Prayer as a framework for confession and The Jesus Prayer Illustrated
The second part of this journey (Cancer 2) can be viewed HERE
and the third part (Cancer 3) can be viewed HERE
